Just Too Popular
by Blue Teller
Summary: Edward Elric likes his life. His life is great. There's one problem though, one he can never escape from... he's much more popular than he'd like to be and frankly, it's very annoying. And if you might think that dying would eventually solve that problem - well, you'd be wrong. Post-Brotherhood, Edward's life story. Humor and family feels, since it's Christmas.


_**Just Too Popular**_

* * *

Money and fame. Two things most people want and, in Edward Elric's honest opinion, it's the perfect example of why most people are complete morons.

Sure, in theory, it's great to be popular. But if Human Transmutation ever taught Ed anything, is that even if something works in theory doesn't necessarily mean it works out in practice. In fact, it probably doesn't. Further down the line, being popular becomes one of the biggest annoyances in his life.

It starts off simple enough - with getting his silver pocket watch and becoming the youngest State Alchemist in the history of Amestris. Edward couldn't careless about his reputation at twelve years old. All that matters to him is getting Al's body back. Some guys in a mining town kick him out of an inn for being a dog of the military? Big deal. Some corrupted Lieutenant whose name he doesn't bother to remember is easy to manipulate because of his status? Convenient. Earning himself a reputation of a Hero of the People because he's not a corrupted jackass himself? Whatever.

Years pass, then the Elric brothers get involved in a nation-wide conspiracy and help save their country from complete destruction. Their exact involvement remains classified to the common citizens of Amestris, but new rumours spread about the Fullmetal Alchemist and his heroic actions on the Promised Day. As if "the Hero of the People" wasn't enough, they start to call him "the Patriot" and even - oh, the horror - "the Savior of Amestris".

Ed doesn't believe they call him that, at first. He retires from the military, which goes without a hitch thanks to Mustang's own raise in popularity and influence, settles down back in Resembool with Al and blissfully ignores the rampaging rumours. Until he turns eighteen, the thirst for adventure awakens anew within the brothers and he and Alphonse decide to split ways to travel the continent.

Suddenly, he gets recognized wherever he goes. And it's so _weird_.

Back when he was a State Alchemist, most people didn't even know what he looked like. They constantly confused him with Al ("Oh, a suit of armor, _that's_ why they call you _Fullmetal_ , right?"), acting surprised whenever they discovered his identity ("But you're so _small_!"), and tended to underestimate him as the result - which was pretty convenient most of the time. Now, Edward finds himself getting mobbed on streets in daylight, for no reason other than: "Wow, look, it's _Edward Elric_ , the _Fullmetal Alchemist_!", like he's some sort of... celebrity?

And okay, he has to admit it was pretty flattering at first, a big stroke for his ego. But then people start to ask him to do really weird and sometimes creepy things, like signing pieces of clothing or even underwear and **NOPE**! Ed is done.

He starts wearing a hood. It works for a while at least. Then it becomes the newest trend in fashion and Edward decided he has enough of Amestris.

When he crosses the border he thinks that things will get easier. But, oh boy, does that assumption kick him in the butt quickly! One day without a hood and the next day, his picture ends up in the local newspaper, not only informing everyone that he was around, but also exactly what he looks like and how to recognize him. As if getting mobbed by Amestrian girls wasn't enough, now he gets bothered by Cretans too!

It gets so bad he's tempted to cut his own hair. In the end he decides it probably wouldn't be worth it - they'd probably write another article and it'd become the next trend in hairstyling. _Ugh._

But he survives - barely - and when he finally returns to quiet, peaceful Resembool he couldn't be more grateful. He makes good on his promise and they start planning their wedding. It'll be a nice, small country affair, they decide. No need for more guests than just their closests friends and family. They send out wedding invitations.

In the end, over three hundred people show up, most of them people Ed - or Winry - haven't met more than once. Or ever. He's not sure who's exactly responsible, but he mostly blames Mustang and Ling. Those dumbasses apparently "couldn't come without escorts because they're important politicians" or some nonsense. He regrets he even invited them.

Ed and Winry almost don't get married at all, thanks to all the insanity that follows. The cake gets destroyed twice before the ceremony starts, Winry's dress gets burned to a crisp (dammit Mustang!), Ed breaks his leg (the automail one), Al loses his tie, Ling gets indigestion (serves the idiot right), Teacher throws someone out of a window and Winry nearly pummels everyone with a wrench in her frustration. And to top it all of, when the wedding finally starts, it starts raining so heavily the river overflows, and they have to move everything indoors.

Eventually Major Armstrong puts his head together with Teacher, Mustang and Alphonse and the four create an entire new building just for the occasion. Things turn out surprisingly okay after that, even the party isn't so bad... probably? Ed doesn't really recall a thing afterwards, so it's hard to tell.

(He blames Ling, of course. That moron probably made him drunk on purpose so he would forgive him. He doesn't, of course.)

After Edward managed to get married, he and Winry happily settle down together and things are quiet for a while. Then Thomas is born and naturally, things are not so quiet anymore, but they're still happy. Then Al (to surprise of no one) gets married to May Chang, and has to suffer his own disaster of a wedding. It's almost as insane as Ed's - except with no flood or burn dresses.

(There is, however, a _small_ international incident involving an Aerugorian diplomat before the ceremony. People finally get proof of what Edward has been trying to tell everyone for years - that his little brother is not nearly as non-violent and innocent as they all think. Then again, that guy definitely deserved it... but that's another story entirely.)

To support his family, Ed starts writing alchemical texts and establishes himself in the non-militaristic scientific circles. Soon Winry surprises him with news that another little miracle is coming to join their family. Sara Elric is born the next year and things couldn't possibly be more perfect for Edward.

Rising kids an adventure of its own, he discovers. They grow up faster that a transmuted pillar from the ground, first crawling then walking and then suddenly they're off to school. They're loud and curious and get themselves in trouble on daily basis, but Ed adores them anyway.

Then one day, Thomas gets mobbed by his peers because he's "the son of the Fullmetal Alchemist". He returns home crying.

Winry is on a warpath, of course. Ed is mad too, but mostly, he feels terrible. His kids are getting unwanted attention because of him. He wishes he could do something about it, but the sad truth is, getting involved in this mess in person would only make it worse. They consider homeschooling, but they don't wish to isolate their son because of one incident. With a heavy heart, Ed lets his wife handle it. In the end Thomas has to change schools.

They proceed with more caution when it's Sara's turn.

Soon after Thomas celebrates his tenth birthday, an unexpected guest shows up at their doorstep. Ed nearly has a heart attack when Selim Bradley suddenly asks if he can stay with their family for a while. Apparently the fifteen-year-old has ran away from home.

Ed has been kept up to date about Selim through Mustang, so he knows the kid has no idea about his real past or origins. But to his surprise, Selim is currently going through an existential crisis, and he's managed to find out that they were related somehow. Looking at the conflicted teen, begging him to tell him the truth everyone refuses to share, Ed makes a risky decision. He does.

Selim takes it much better than expected. He reveals to Edward that he'd been having suspicious about being a human experiment for some time, because of some old pictures he has found - pictures of himself, way before his "birth". He's come to the conclusion that he was a clone of some sort, and it terrified him why his mother refused to tell him anything. Ed explains how Mrs. Bradley has fought to keep him after the Promised Day, about her boundless love and dedication, and how the government has forbidden her from speaking. Everything she's ever done was for him. When Selim finally gets how much his mother loves him, he ends up crying - much to Edward's shock. The former alchemist realizes that truly, there is nothing left of Pride in the person in front of him. He convinces the teen to go back home.

Selim returns to Central the next day, much to the relief of everyone. He keeps in touch with the Elrics though. Alphonse is suspicious at first, distrustful towards the Homunculus, and starts visiting the Bradleys regularly. As the result, Al ends up Selim's favorite uncle. Ed finds that delightfully ironic.

For many years Ed doesn't tell his children everything about his time as a State Alchemist - they're too young, truthfully he's been too young for it all himself, at the time. He has to tell them at some point, though, so he and Alphonse both decide to fill their kids in when they each turn sixteen. Thomas ends up telling his sister everything though. Ed can't say he's surprised.

At least his kids are smarter than he was. The idea of committing the taboo has never even crossed their minds.

Years pass, his hair starts getting grey, his kids get married and his first grandkids are born. He still gets recognized wherever he goes, but he's almost used to it nowadays. At least in his later years he's famous for his alchemical research, rather some hero nonsense. Leave all fancy titles to the Fuhrer Bastard, he wants nothing of it.

When he enters his seventies, his health suddenly starts declining rapidly. Al examines him and to everyone's worry, he can't find a cause as to why. Winry drags him from doctor to doctor, they visit even some foreign specialists, but none of them are able to tell them what's wrong.

Deep down though, Ed knows. His gamble in Baschool has finally come back to claim its toll.

The one good thing about all of this, is that he has enough time to say goodbye to everyone. His entire family comes to accompany him, as for the last time he travels around Amestris, visiting all of his old friends. He even has enough time to come to Xing. When he's done, he returns to Resembool, and can spend his final weeks surrounded by everyone he loves.

It's the best possible way to go, he tells them. He doesn't want them to cry, but they do anyway. He forgives them. He's going to miss them too, after all.

When he closes his eyes, he thinks about seeing mom again.

* * *

When Edward opens his eyes again, he doesn't see his mom.

"Hey there, old man," he smirks. "Long time no see."

Hohenheim smiles back at him.

"Hello, Edward. It appears you have grown some."

Ed scoffs. "Bastard. You want me to punch you in the face again?"

His father chuckles.

"I'd prefer not. But I'm sorry to say, you'll probably really want to punch something soon enough."

Ed looks at him with confusion. "What do you mean? Where's mom?"

"She's..." Hohenheim cringes. "She's kind of busy?"

"Huh?"

"She's holding them so we can speak privately before... well."

"What the heck are you talking about?"

The Xerxesian breathes out slowly. "So, you know how I used to be a Philosopher's Stone, right?"

"...Yeah?"

"And I had, approximately, 536 329 souls trapped in my body?"

Edward squints suspiciously at him. "What are you getting at?"

"Since I got married to your mother," explains Hohenheim "They all participated in the life of our family, in a way. Because, you know, they were present for all of it."

Realisation dawns on Edward with utter horror.

"I'm sorry to say, Edward..." his father awkwardly reveals a cheering crowd standing behind him, held back only by a very determined Trisha Elric. "They've all been waiting to meet you... _very_ eagerly."

"EDWARD!" Twenty or so blond women cry out in delight at the sight of him. "My, what a _handsome boy_ you are!"

" _ **Noooo...!**_ " Ed moans in despair.

Even in the afterlife... he's _still too popular_!

The End.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Here's a little idea I've had in my head for a while. Like, imagine all those doting, child-loving Xerxesian women in Hohenheim's Philosopher's Stone cooing over Ed and Al when they were kids. Or even, when Hohenheim when he first met Trisha - he was probably all angst and thinking "no I shouldn't, I don't deserve her, a monster like me doesn't deserve happiness..." and they were like "DUDE! We have a chance to be in the front row in a dramatic romance, _don't you dare leave us hanging!_ " ;)**

 **Overall, I think Ed would find himself a lot more popular in the afterlife than he'd like to, and that's not even counting the souls that fought with Alphonse against Kimblee... They were totally conscious for the whole thing, I'm sure of it. And I'm sure many of them were quite the fans of his afterwards - since he totally kicked butt against a Homunculus and a trigger-happy** **psychopath** **!**

 **Please follow and favorite, comment if you can, but most importantly - read on and enjoy!**

 **Merry Christmas everyone!**


End file.
